I just got off a coaching call with a really great guy who I’ve known for many years.
He was honest enough to admit the text blunder he made in response to his long-distance girlfriend who had texted him the evening prior, to let him know that she was thinking of him.
His text reply to her: “I’m going out to dinner with [name of one of his guy friends].”
Yes, he blew her off.
Needless to say, it wasn’t a great move and the conversation quickly went sour.
The real question is, why did he do it? And how can he create a better experience in the future? (By the way, yes, he cares about her.)
Here’s my take.
Striking out is what many of us do when we don’t feel worthy of honor, or love.
We strike out at others and we strike out on our dreams. (To those of you outside the USA, to “strike out” is to either hurt someone or to fail at something.)
There are many creative – and non-creative – ways to strike out. This list pretty much sums them up:
1. We strike out at others who want to – and attempt to – honor us (or we dim our light around them, instigating them to strike out at us).
2. We strike out at others who love us more than we have the capacity to allow.
3. We strike out when we attempt to reach new levels of joy, and new levels of intimacy… the ability to both give and receive love.
4. We strike out when attempting to experience greater success, well-being and abundance by sabotaging our own efforts.
5. We strike out at life by not believing and having faith that Life itself is standing with us and for us.
How can you stop striking out?
Mainly: Get comfortable with receiving honor. Stop using humility as an excuse to block your light from shining bright. You were born to be brilliant and beautiful! Strong and sexy! We all are!
Bonus: When you expand your capacity to receive more honor, you give others in your life permission to feel joy with you and for you. You don’t cut them off when they love you and praise you. And you honor them by welcoming their gifts of honoring you.
Here are 2 specific things you can do to get more comfortable with receiving honor – and getting more home runs in your relationships and in your life:
A. Disarm shame by becoming aware of it, in your own life and mind, and throughout our culture. Douse yourself with empathy and compassion. (Brene Brown’s research shows that shame thrives in secrecy, in silence and in judgment. And that shame cannot survive when doused with empathy.) The healthier you are, the more wholeheartedness you will bring to your relationships and the more you will thrive.
B. Practice internal mind-body stretches such as FEED THE C.O.W. (Your Container of Worthiness) which is Practice #2 of 12 in the Joy-Based Living Beginners Guide.
With love and thanks,
Ps. I texted the first version of this blog post to him.
“Thank you Debbie. I forwarded this to my girlfriend. She loved it. You are awesome. Receive it. It is true.”
Another JBL moment! Yeah!