(Please scroll down to see the collection of articles)
I’ve discovered something important after 2 years of leading people through the Joy-Based Living practices.
Although our JBL community is for anyone who is sincerely seeking more joy in their lives, there is one type of person who uniquely benefits from the coaching and support system that our community provides: someone who is healing from the effects of narcissistic abuse.
Now that I think about it, this makes perfect sense.
At the heart of narcissistic abuse is invalidation of the self and of a person’s reality.
So, when a person’s self-hood is seen, honored, accepted, appreciated and even celebrated (as we practice in our JBL community), and when that person’s reality and experience is VALIDATED… that person finally has an opportunity to thrive. Their joy has the potential to come fully alive.
Many people who are healing from narcissistic abuse feel alone, isolated, depressed, and even a little crazy. It’s precisely how they were manipulated to feel.
But, to be clear, they weren’t manipulated because they are weak. Quite the contrary: they were targeted by the narcissist because they are strong. What the narcissist is looking for is someone who will take care of them, at the expense of their own needs. They are looking for someone who is empathic, compassionate, giving and caring. To a fault.
The person who is abused is called a co-narcissist. Imagine in your mind being someone’s co-pilot. You’re not so afraid of being alone. But you are afraid of going “against” the narcissist’s perceptions and wishes. And you have every reason to feel afraid. Your personhood has been threatened (as well as other important areas of your life… physical, emotional, financial, children, etc.).
A narcissistic relationship is like a toxic dance that feels hypnotic. If it’s not healed, the chances of attracting other narcissists to your life are extremely high.
If this describes you, and you are interested in healing and thriving, we have 2 paths that you can take depending on your readiness level and what you can afford at this time.
- Step by step. Here you’ll begin with self-study. Buy the 12 Practices E-book (read it; watch the videos, which are included; do the journal). Then share your Practices with others in our community. Then take the Wholehearted Mastermind course. Then join our Authentic Connections conversation. Each of these steps is meaningful and important. It will be up to you to stay motivated to take each step.
- Immersion: 6-month one-on-one coaching intensive. You’ll receive 12 coaching sessions plus you’ll be personally guided through the 12 Practices e-book, the community conversation, the Wholehearted Mastermind course and the Authentic Connections conversation. To get started, you’ll want to purchase one session. During that time, we will assess your current situation and your current needs. We will create a plan of action for you with a few short term action steps. We will also use this time to see if we would be a good fit for each other to work together for 6 months.
At Joy-Based Living, we learn to regulate our emotions with extreme self-care and embodiment of honor, commitment and loyalty toward ourselves and others. We also practice celebrating our imperfections as we step forward. We value our most authentic desires, and this includes taking the risks to make our dreams come true in the world. We learn to give and receive support as we increase our well-being and joy.
Here is our collection of articles about healing from, and thriving after, narcissistic abuse (newest first):
- Brene Brown Kicks Ass on Netflix – GO GIRL!
- If trauma narrows our vision, does ambition widen it?
- From Powerblind to Running Free (poster)
- Goldilocks and the 3 Levels of Power
- Chocolate Walls – Reparenting with Warmth and Mercy
- Invisibility Exacerbates Trauma – Let Yourself Be Seen
- Dimes, F-Bombs and the Fountain of Youth – interview with Glenda Clemens
- Double binds suck big time – #1 solution that completely transcends and annihilates the problem
- What is the oxygen that heals emotional trauma?
- #1 way to know what a narcissist is thinking, feeling and planning
- (PG-13) Upgrade Your Story with Compassion and Toughness, a Winning Power-Combo
- A manifesto for those who are done giving away their power
- Stop Chasing Pennies – and other annoying joy-thieving habits
- Stop dimming YOUR VOICE – on minimizing, misogyny, microphones and overcoming deep-seated fears
- Toxic shame vs ordinary shame (quick and dirty definition)
- Can co-dependency be cured? Here’s my experience of Richard Grannon’s stellar roadmap out of hell (CPTSD CPTSR).
- Catch your shadow side, embrace it and set it free – quick message
- My sweet auntie dropped an f-bomb (Brene Brown gives a thumbs up!)
- You are not alone – funny story – keep your dreams alive – transform with compassion
- Overcome the 2 greatest post-emotional-trauma fears, and learn the purpose of double binds
- Healthy parent healthy child archetype (curing CPTSD CPTSR)
- A drunk gazelle is like a bald tire (emotional abuse, emotional flashbacks, cptsd, cptsr, 5 finger mnemonic)
- Wonder why people are shifting away from psychologists and therapists? This is why I did.
- How to strengthen yourself to say NO to emotional abuse – #1 key phrase to negotiate with yourself or your client (Chris Voss) (CPTSD CPTSR emotional flashbacks) (double bind) (coaching)
- Riffing on joy, inspired action, the n word and death
- The main danger of invisible abuse (cptsd or cptsr)
- PTSD CPTSD CPTSR Breaking down the complexity of post traumatic stress labels – a quick video message
- 3 metaphors for healing cultural and personal trauma (CPTSD) (CPTSR)
- What is Complex PTSD? CPTSD definition (healing from emotional abuse or toxic shame) (reference for therapists, coaches and clients) (CPTS-R)
- How to manage an insane inner critic (CPTSD Humor) (healing from emotional abuse)
- Popping bubbles of denial – how many need to burst before you can face reality? (cptsd, healing from emotional abuse)
- The opposite of addiction is connection – tribal support, lizard lady, and why JBL
- Are you sending out mixed vibrations? Learn how codependency kills manifestations.
- From Trauma to Thriving – Your Locus of Control – Focusing Forward
- Starving to Give is the most damaging flaw of a co-narcissist (Cinderella Part Deux) (healing after narcissistic abuse)
- #1 Key Phrase for Self-Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
- Disgust, Contempt and Self-rejection OY VEY (Healing after narcissistic abuse)
- #1 Core Skill for Empowerment
- Goat Notes Revisited (and Thank You)
- How to Spot a Narcissist – and Your #1 Blind Spot
- Exploring Shame (a breakthrough after a toxic shame attack)
- Healthy Capitalism Requires Conscious Leadership (Simon Sinek)
- Shamelessly reveal the truth about your self-worth (healing after narcissistic abuse) (co-narcissists, this one’s for you)
- Best LIVE response to a narcissist with play-by-play commentary – not sure how long it’s going to be up on Youtube (Monique and Steve Harvey)
- Flying Free – Let’s talk about Spirituality – Especially after Narcissistic Abuse
- You Deserve To Feel Amazing!
- Reclaim Your Power – Break the Stockholm Syndrome Bond for Good (Terminate trauma bonding and put an end to misplaced loyalty)
- 3 Strategies to Banish False Shame – Letter to Russell Brand speaking on Shame (healing narcissistic abuse)
- Is love always the answer? (dealing with narcissism, response to Russell Brand)
- The one lie the nark needs you to buy (hint – Scar from Lion King) (Coach Notes)