These days, when someone asks for my help because they’re feeling perplexed, confused, distracted, “dilemma’d”, the next thing I listen for is if they’ve just experienced communication with a narcissist (or someone who’s part of the nark’s web) . . . IF the answer is “yes,” . . . THEN the communication pattern becomes the … More Have you been Narcissized? Seven affirmations for breaking the trauma bond.
When rage has nowhere to go Because a bully has you hiding in fear Shame grows. When hidden rage is strong Shame deepens. Your light hides with it. Deeper. And then . . . Someone comes along and meets you At the depths Validates the hidden shameful experience And says, “Hello. You’re safe now. I … More Validation, Depths of Healing, Freedom Within, 2019
Feeling safe with others who honor our authentic experience is the heartbeat of a joyful life. In such relationships, essential simplicity is a way of being. On the other hand, grandiosity and fear of being ordinary are the mainstays of a narcissistic personality. Constant complexity is the order of the day. Shame and fear are … More Healing collective narcissism – thoughts on healthy anger, grief, intimidation and honoring our most basic experiences
Bottom line: A narcissistic personality is one that experiences a core shame and then creates a distorted grandiose image in order to avoid the shame (doth thou protest too much, eh?). In order to maintain their image and avoid their pain (and because shame is a relational experience), a narky nark needs others to … More What the narcissist is really saying and what you can do about it.
That depends. On whether they are honored or shamed. Whether they are treated with loyalty or betrayal. Whether they are welcomed with your presence or rejected through your absence. Tune in. Today. Right now. This moment. You Know Where They Go. Shhh… listen within… I’ll say more in a future blog post. For now, take … More Where do all the feelings go? (Part I)
(If you received 2 blog posts from me in your email today and the first link isn’t working, it’s because it was replaced with this one… sorry about any confusion!) A close friend of mine has a hubby who designs spaces like a bad-ass mofo. He says that of the 6 key design elements (scale, size, … More Rage and Anger, Perspective and Scale. A Design Technique that can Help You Heal from the Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
Part 1 of this post is here. WANT TO END PROCRASTINATION FOREVER ??? Procrastination doesn’t feel hazardous, which is why so many people let themselves get away with it. It’s like a deadly non-scented toxic fume. If you’re procrastinating on the activities that would generate the most joy (for yourself and those you love)… you’re … More Toxic Fumes (part 2 of 2) – You are the Treasure – Ending Procrastination – Healing Narcissistic Abuse
After reading Christine Canonville’s book Shame Begets Shame, my eyes are now wide open to the harm of co-dependency literature for people who are healing from narcissistic abuse (which could have happened through parents, a sibling, or even bullying at school). The co-dependency literature isn’t just outdated, it’s misplaced and dangerous, like being given the … More Toxic Fumes (part 1 of 2) Healing from Narcissistic Abuse – core shame, co-dependence, co-narcissist
Compassion. Love. Deep and true belief in someone. When your longstanding resilience becomes your achilles heel, when your altruism is unappreciated yet compulsively given, when you are chronically invalidated and devalued… How long does it take before you feel the pain? Better yet, how long does it take before you cut the ties? If you … More Rejection! The hardest part of leaving a narcissist you love – is probably not what you think it is.
The “invisible” quality of narcissism is at the heart of its ability maintain its insidious and toxic abuse. Narcissists LOOVE being able to fool the rest of the world while harming their victims in secret. If you have suffered at the hands of people who YOU LOVE, I want you to know that you are … More Validating YOU – no longer willing to play the invisibility game – coming out now (healing from Narcissistic abuse Part V)