Here’s the 9 Steps for Growing into Embodied Individuation (5th draft), pdf.
The RESOURCES on this page will help you recognize and overcome the Master Distractors which are mentioned in the 9 Steps for Growing into Embodied Individuation.
These Distractors can cause you to feel STUCK in the process of individuating. You could be experiencing an Emotional Flashback, a Shame Storm, Cultural Shaming, a Jealousy Attack, an Upper Limit Problem or plain old RESISTANCE.
Before I describe them… I want you to know …
If you feel stuck… that’s normal.
Imagine a young child REALLY WANTING to stop crawling and start WALKING.
How many times do they fall or fail before they walk?
A BUNCH!
Sometimes they even “give up” for a few hours or a day or a few days or a few weeks…
But their WANT POWER (different from WILL power) is ACTIVE AND CHARGED.
And that’s the MAGIC of the CHILD within each of us.
What I’m saying is…
There’s nothing wrong with STUCK. There’s no failure.
Be in love with WHERE YOU ARE as much as you’d love a cute little puppy or kitty or child.
To get through stuck moments more quickly… DON’T JUDGE THEM.
KEEP YOUR DESIRE ALIVE.
FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION BY DECIDING YOU WANT TO BE A WHOLE PERSON, INDIVIDUATED.
As long as you’re COMMITTED to INDIVIDUATION… STUCK will pass.
Again, you could be experiencing an Emotional Flashback, a Shame Storm, Cultural Shaming, a Jealousy Attack, an Upper Limit Problem or plain old RESISTANCE.
No matter how often you experience these Master Distractors, you are ALWAYS worthy of Compassionate Curiosity. BE KIND TO YOU WHILE YOU EXPLORE.
Master Distractors that can cause you to feel stuck (Psychological)
Emotional Flashbacks
1: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel afraid, and that you are safe. Google Pete Walker’s free pdf: 13 Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks. Print it and keep it handy. Pete is the author of The Tao of Fully Feeling and Complex PTSD.
2: Read the first 5 pages of the SANCTUARY eBook which I wrote. Download it at joybasedLiving.com/newsletter.
Shame Storms
1: Watch Dr. Brene Brown’s 2 TED talks on overcoming shame.
2: Read this article by Elizabeth Gilbert about tribal shaming and how to defeat it with an exercise by Mario Martinez,
3: Read about The Contrast Place.
KEEP THESE LINKS HANDY! They will show you how to handle tidal waves of shame and stuckness when you are in the midst of taking risks!!
Jealousy Attacks/ Reclaim Your Gifts
David Bedrick (author of UnShaming, coming soon in 2024) teaches a specific process in some of his classes on overcoming Jealousy Attacks. It changed my life and the lives of some of my clients. When someone else is jealous of you, you may find yourself dimming your joy and your light. You may feel confused and angry for no obvious reason. When someone is jealous of you, they sense your deeper gifts. You can use this practice to reclaim your gifts. This process is intense but I wanted to make sure you know that it exists so you can seek it out.
Upper Limit Problems
Gay Hendricks beautifully describes this phenomenon in his book The Big Leap.
Phrases synonomous to Upper Limit Problems: Abundance Ceilings, Joy Ceilings, Joy Foreboding. Members of Joy-Based Living use these phrases frequently, that’s why I’m mentioning them.
Resistance
Expect RESISTANCE. Your life is your greatest art. Art is creation. Creation is LIGHT. Resistance is DARK. Fight for the Light. Read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. The audiobook is available for free on YouTube at the time of this writing.
Coaching
If any of this resonates with you and you want one-on-one coaching to guide you through a process, message me at Facebook and I’ll send you an application. My calendar is pretty full at the time of this writing (2023) so if I need to add you to my waiting list, I’ll let you know. I may start a group coaching process for Embodied Individuation, so I would keep you posted about that as well.
Therapy and Medicine
If you’re experiencing chronic emotional pain, please seek professional support. If you resonate with this material, I recommend finding a clinician who personally understands Complex PTSD. Start with Pete Walker’s books to help you know what you’re dealing with and what to look for in a helper (see above).
Start where you are. Aim for the best. Do your best. Sometimes that means watching YouTube videos to learn your way to a better place. Been there. You deserve the best. HONOR where you are.
Master Distractor that Can Cause You to Feel Stuck (Spiritual)
This section is for you if you are spiritually inclined.
It’s not for everyone.
Heads up #1: If you experienced spiritual abuse or spiritual neglect, you might want to look at that. Please be kind with yourself but don’t let your past stop you from growing into your full potential. Healing spiritual wounds can help you experience more love and support and trust with all of life, so you can enjoy your life to the fullest. Always do what is right for you.
Heads up #2: It can be tempting to use a spiritual path to AVOID or SUPPRESS your emotions. I’m a Reiki Master, so I’ve seen this pitfall happen a lot. Examples: “I know energy medicine so I don’t need to do inner psychological work.” Or “I can access the infinite field of love so I don’t need to undo cultural conditioning.” If you suppress your emotions, your stress and inner tension will get bigger (like a pressure cooker). You’ll keep feeling stuck and you won’t individuate.
I’ve been listening to a whole bunch of great spiritual teachers over the course of my life.
I discovered that every single one of them is pointing to one thing:
Give your heartfelt attention to the river of joy which is always present within you,
the fertile void of infinite nothingness where all of life springs from.
Great teachers teach the importance of removing your attention from the mind’s chatter.
- The mind is a master distractor which loves to prevent you from bonding with the vastness of infinite love.
- The mind will give you plans and schemes, dramas and dreams.
- The mind will tell you that you need to GET THE THING in order to be happy.
- The mind will tell you that it has the answers for you.
WHY?
Because you asked IT (your mind) to solve your problems for you.
In my experience, the mind is limited.
It is most useful for solving basic daily things.
The mind doesn’t have the answers for navigating life because it doesn’t know the mystery of the universe.
It doesn’t know love.
It doesn’t know the magic of the heart.
A great intellect is like a knife.
It’s useful. But it can’t sew.
- Great spiritual teachers encourage you take your power back.
- Great spiritual teachers show you how to balance intention and surrender.
- Great spiritual teachers live by the example of trusting their hearts to guide their lives.
- Great spiritual teachers invite you to TRUST LIFE because you ARE life.
- They help you remember that the infinite spaciousness is your TRUE IDENTITY, and the more you BASK in the river of joy, HANG OUT in the infinite void… the more your body will heal and the mind will calibrate and will get clear.
I have found this to be true.
With a good spiritual practice you will TRANSMUTE your limitations, fears and stuckness.
Some of my favorite spiritual teachers who point the way very clearly include Mooji (formerly a Jamaican artist), Michael Singer (formerly a business tycoon) and Joe Dispenza (a chiropractor who physically healed from major trauma).
You can find them on YouTube.
I think it’s so important that you find teachers who resonate with YOU.
For this reason, the only specific resource I want to share with you is Michael Singer’s album of beautiful songs that feel like prayers and sooth the spirit.
SONGS OF THE UNTETHERED SOUL
I wish you so much joy and freedom through your individuation process.
I believe in you!
Debbie Happy Cohen
Founder of Joy-Based Living
