I’m experiencing a quirky, weird, *joyful* inner response whenever I see that my Instagram number of followers goes down. It’s happened a few times in the last couple of weeks. And it feels like a taboo thrill. I don’t know who the person is when they leave, and I honestly don’t care. I’m way more fascinated by this “weird-delight” response to their “rejection.”
I’m sure there’s a word for this sensation in some other language. If you know it, please do share!
Exploring it, I notice a feeling of relief that someone who doesn’t belong has moved on, has left the party. OOOH, someone left! YAY! Clearly, my words and images are making them feel either bored or uncomfortable. Probably the latter, as I’m posting words like “Powerlessness.”
Realizing this, I feel STRONG. I actually feel powerful because their exiting is their signal to me that I am BEAMING out a clear signal. I’m not trying to please everyone. Just being clear about who I am and what I stand for. I feel a little bit like a “Pirate Radio” station DJ. Full-bodied authentic expression is what we love about pirate radio stations. No corporate influence. No fear. David Bowie comes to mind.
One of my friend’s husbands surprised me today when he shared my Facebook post about Transmuting Powerlessness to his page, to his peeps. Honestly, I was quite shocked! This person, who I see as “king of the Dudes,” is the last person I would have imagined being even remotely interested in such a topic.
Accepting the grand mysteries of life and of other people’s behavior, I am using these experiences to strengthen my courage and conviction. I remind myself of where I have the most power: in my choices.
My job is to beam out the clearest signal that I can. To be repetitive. To be loud. To keep going.
The ancient, survivalist part of my “brain” doesn’t like change. It grips familiarity. It believes that familiarity = safety. Obviously, this isn’t always true. But that’s why encouraging myself with words and mantras helps me so much.
By giving my brain repetitive reminders and ongoing EVIDENCE that I AM SAFE in the midst of transformation (including rejection, including visibility, including power, including greater levels of joy), my brain can acclimate to these experiences more easily and I can keep going and growing with more joy, even if that joy be ever-so-quirky!
So . . .whether you love me, hate me, leave me or share me – I am growing my stash of evidence the way a squirrel gathers nuts.
Thanks for being one of those nuts!
Debbie Happy Cohen, founder of Joy-Based Living