Vocabulary Power on the fridge for handling narcissistic abuse and gaslighting – simplified by a badass mom

On Thursday night, 4 days ago, a friend sent me an SOS message. She felt lost and confused. Dazed.

What should she do about the current asshole maneuver that was completely taking over her life, which affects her kids???

How should she handle the situation IMMEDIATELY so that she could navigate the upcoming weekend?

If she didn’t handle it well, the results could be disastrous.

(I wish I could share more details, but that wouldn’t be right or kind. I hope you’re getting the gist.)

I offered 2 solutions.

  1. KNOW YOUR TRUTHS. I helped her ground herself in what she KNOWS. “Stand firmly on Truth that you Know.” Examples: Truth: I love my children. Truth : I am responsible for my children. Truth : I have a court ruling and rights. Truth : I Am. Truth : I Know Truth. Truth : I am not alone. Truth : SOS! I’m not me! Help me get back to me! (She Knew when she wasn’t in the Truth of Herself and she reached out to me. BIG YAY FOR REACHING OUT IMMEDIATELY AND NOT WAITING!!!) She stood strong in the Power of Truth. SHE RESPONDED TO THESE KNOWINGS more strongly than any negative behavior the others were displaying.
  2. GO BACK TO THE BASICS!! YOU’RE BEING GASLIT. (OMG, she could see it, YES!) PROPERLY NAMING what you’re experiencing is SO POWERFUL because when you name it, you frame it. Then you can do something about it! GO BACK TO THE BASICS. I asked her to WRITE the ESSENTIAL narcissistic abuse VOCABULARY on index cards with simple definitions. She was to keep them handy. My friend had already learned this lingo a year ago, but in the blur of the gaslit moment, she couldn’t access them in her mind. I reminded her about gaslighting, double binds and love bombing.

Within 30 minutes, she gained her composure and grounded herself in her own being.

We knew that she could NOT control the other person or the kids or the results, but she could now manage herself.

Within 24 hours, she was back to herself again.

She maintained her power throughout the weekend.

By the end of the weekend, she reported good news. No disaster.

She kept her own inner stability and navigated the outer circumstances with clarity and power.

The boundaries that she set were maintained.

I asked her if I could share a photo of the definitions she posted on her fridge, for herself and for her kids to read.

She said yes. (thank you!!!)

When she sent this photo of the fridge to me, I had a visceral response. My body literally pulsed. There is so much POWER on this page. There is POWER in vocabulary. There is POWER in knowing your truth and standing there. And not budging.

Debbie Happy Cohen
Debbie Happy Cohen

Debbie Happy Cohen, author, coach and artist, is the founder of Joy-Based Living. She loves spending time with magical, kind, thoughtful, inspiring people. Her Master’s Degree is in counseling but her experience comes from 20 years of coaching people to bring out the best in themselves and others. Also affectionately known as Happy D! and Reverend SASSY SHORTS!, she lives on Lookout Mountain in Alabama, near Chattanooga, Tennessee. Her books include The 12 Practices, The JBL Planner for Daily Self-Reflection, Reach Your Stars!, SANCTUARY: 4 Mantras for Thriving After Emotional Trauma, It’s All About Kids: Every Child Deserves a Teacher of the Year, and a children’s book I Don’t Think So!

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