So, the thing I despise most about healing from narcissistic abuse . . . oh, crap, I can’t limit it to one thing! So here’s a bullet point list and I’m sure it’s not complete. Please feel free to add your own in the comment section.
- You get to keep focusing on… guess who?… the nark! The coercive control and ambient abuse you’re attempting to transcend must be faced, validated and released in order to set yourself free from the tangly web! (this is especially true in the first stages of healing).
- Due to necessary breakthroughs (so that you can move on with your life), you get to relive the torture/shame you once experienced as it makes its way out of your system.
- The narcissist never sounds “that horrible” to others who haven’t been through it (especially if the nark was not physically abusive).
- You feel the need to justify your need to protect yourself (after all, the nark wasn’t “that bad”).
- Most people who haven’t “been there” can’t relate and look at you like you’re an alien or you’re making too big a deal of it.
- The more you learn and heal, the more your new “language” makes no sense to “regular” people (each piece needs explanation, beginning with the definition of narcissism): gaslighting, pathological vs grandiose narcissist, c-ptsd, etc etc etc.
- You can easily sound like you’re a victim (yes you were victimized, no you are not a victim unless you choose to be) when in truth you are a freakin’ warrior... but no one on the outside gets to see your true hero’s journey – the battle you’ve been fighting – and how much strength, energy and commitment it’s taken to claim your life back.
- Especially in the beginning after waking up to this cursed thing… you grieve. And you probably grieve alone.
- The label (I still don’t like labels) “co-narcissist” is a tie to the past.
- Narcissist is difficult to spell.
- You feel the need to isolate due to the weirdness caused by all of the above.
I’ll tell you what, honeybee! You’re not alone. In fact, this past year has taught me not only who my true friends are, but who is willing to really face – and transcend – their own inner demons on the path to more joy, success, brilliance and beauty – being fully expressed. Healthy self-identity. Healthy narcissism. Healthy sense of agency and control.
The thing I haven’t really talked about here is that over this last couple of years, I have become a “Chief Organizational Strategist” to people I’m coaching. As a result, they are breaking through the above barriers and they are FOCUSING FORWARD AND WINNING IN THEIR BUSINESSES (artists, healers, coaches, leaders) in ways they never imagined possible before. Or maybe they imagined it, but they didn’t see the steps between here and there. It’s become my daily joy. My reason for waking up in the morning. It’s so freakin’ FUN to watch them GO!!! It’s better than any football game I’ve ever seen!! And I get to be RIGHT THERE WITH THEM!!! WOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Here’s the other thing… they get to hang out with each other… which not only removes the stigma of all of the above crap-o-la… but they get to cheer each other on because they understand the depth of the breakthroughs that the others are having… this is a HUGE DREAM COME TRUE. And, they continue to let me know how much they appreciate this conversation around healing from this crappy form of torture called Narcissistic Abuse (groan groan). These people – my true tribe – continue to encourage me to keep talking and keep writing about this topic. THIS, my friend, is simply stunning to me.
I can turn this post into a sales pitch right now, but that’s not my intention. I want you to know that it’s POSSIBLE for you to get to the other side of this journey. I want you to know that YOU DESERVE TO FEEL AMAZING. I want you to know that if no one else is cheering you on, I AM AND WE ARE, all of us here at Joy-Based Living.
So much love to you!!!
Happy D!
ps. I love the photo and could not find who to credit, so if you know, please share.