Healing from narcissistic abuse can be like walking through a rocky terrain in a dense fog. You may have a sense about where you’re going but it’s slow-going and it’s so darn easy to make mistakes along the way.
Finding a sherpa is tricky because this is a leading-edge topic and most therapists don’t have a clue about it, which can do more damage if what you’re dealing with is, in fact, attempting to truly heal from a coercive, ambient-abusive person who targeted (or is targeting) you.
There are many people speaking out on the topic of narcissistic abuse but the information is all over the place. I encourage you to binge watch what you need and read as many books as will satisfy to your validation meter (YES YOU DID EXPERIENCE THAT, YES IT WAS REAL, YES IT’S UNSPEAKABLE AND HORRIFIC, AND YES YOU CAN DO THIS).
These 2 women have really paved a path through this foggy territory and I have benefited from both of their wisdom. Check them out but be sure to find people in your day-to-day reality that can mirror back to you your sanity, your depth, your joy.
- Information is just a starting point. (YES OTHERS HAVE BEEN THERE!)
- Roadmaps are helpful. (YES THERE’S A WAY OUT!)
- Allies are essential. (NO YOU’RE NOT ALONE!)
Here are these 2 women’s road maps. To keep things simple for you, I’m just going to share links to their main works. You can google for more extensive info.
The Journey: A Roadmap for Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse by Meredith Miller
The Journey is available on Amazon (n kindle and in paperback). It organizes the healing process according to the 12 steps of a hero’s journey (by Joseph Campbell). Meredith makes it easy to see exactly where you are on the path of healing from narcissistic abuse and what steps to take next.
- Phase 1: Recognize what just happened and get out of the fog of denial. Take necessary actions for your safety.
- Phase 2: Find inner balance. Find YOU.
- Phase 3: Go forward. Create new paths for yourself and share the gifts of your journey with others. There are MANY.
Meredith has a youtube station called Inner Integration.
When Shame Begets Shame: How The Narcissist Hurts & Shames Their Victims by Christine Louise de Canonville
F##king amazing. Christine, a psychologist from Ireland, nails it in this ebook (pdf). Victimized by a psychopathic older brother, she gets the game from the inside out.
She is very thorough, clear and compassionate. It’s written for both professionals and also regular people 🙂
Especially important is the distinction between codependency and co-narcissism (think: “co-pilot”). SO IMPORTANT. You can listen to her podcast interview on this topic here (minutes 13-20 are key).
You can buy her ebook here.
Bonus: Brene Brown’s groundbreaking Ted Talks are essential to this topic
Yes, I know I mentioned 2 women in the title.. but seriously… if you’ve read this far and you haven’t seen these 2 talks, just go there and watch them first. Like, now.
In another post, I’ll share about where you can find allies, including here at Joy-Based Living. One of our members actually coaches people from trauma to thriving.