Let Other People Define You – A Shocking High-Level Coaching Secret


Say WHAT?!!!

After all these posts I’ve written about taking back your power, now I’m saying LET OTHER PEOPLE DEFINE YOU???!!!

Yup! And WOOOHOOOO!!!!

For 20 years, I’ve had the priviledge of coaching people of ALL walks of life and have found that there are mainly 2 parts to help someone transform into a new way of being and living:

Part 1: Get them to specifically name what they DON’T want and move away from it.

Part 2: Get them to specifically name what they DO want and move toward it. As they move forward, obstacles will reveal themselves. Help them stay focused.

Part 1 is pretty easy for the most part if they’re coach-able (willing and able). The DON’T WANT is usually clear and ugly and in their face. It’s getting in their way and making them uncomfortable. They WANT to get rid of what they DON’T WANT.

Part 2 is usually more challenging. Depending.

If they’re already clear about what they DO want, then it often just takes a few pointers, some encouragement, and a few key questions to get them to focus even better than before.

More clarity = more focused energy = more joy = more success.

BUT if they’re unclear about what they DO want, or if they’ve got a lot of nagging doubts and insecurities… they might need a bit more of “my” voice to imprint a clear directive in their minds and hearts.

This can sound controlling. But if you are coach-able… if you are willing to trust the person who’s coaching or leading you, it’s a gift that can SET YOU FREE!

Here’s an example:

One woman I have coached for years recently reached a plateau in her career. I could feel her need for a jump-start.

So I created a mantra for my client which was inspired by one of her corporate leaders. Let’s call the leader “Jane”. What I know for sure is that JANE DEEPLY BELIEVES in my client. So the mantra I gave my client is:


I gave her clear instructions: “I want you to repeat that mantra all day long for the next month. Let Jane’s perception of you and her possibilities for you outweigh your limited ideas of yourself.”

She admitted in a soft voice, “You know, Jane has been asking me to step into more leadership and has asked me to do XYZ for the last few months but I’ve been resisting her and not doing what she asked because I didn’t think I was good enough.”

My client had been arguing AGAINST herself. BINGO!!

I said, “Jane thinks you’re good enough, and you respect Jane. Maybe it’s time to LET JANE WIN. Can you do that? Are you willing to believe her more than believing YOURSELF?”

She thought about it for a minute and then enthusiastically conceded:

“I’m going to do that! and I’m going to let Jane know my plan to follow her advice and I’m going to be more coachable.”


She is now FACING FORWARD with ENERGY AND GUSTO!! And to top that off, by telling Jane of her plans, Jane will be giving her additional accountability. So, even though I’ve never met Jane, we are coaching my client together. We are on the same page.

Here’s another quick example:

Someone I’ve known for many years is an amazing coach. A couple of years ago, she kept telling me that she WANTED to be a coach. But she already WAS. IS. I encouraged her to BELIEVE ME MORE THAN SHE WAS BELIEVING HERSELF. She has now stepped into that arena and is getting paid as a speaker and coach, using her skills which she has developed over many years.

It takes courage and risk to let someone else define you, especially if you have been healing from abusive relationships.

What’s different in a coaching relationship is that YOU are the one giving your coach permission. YOU are the one who is actually in charge!

You are not giving your power away.

You are strengthening your power.

You are letting someone help you.


High Level Coaching

As a coach, it takes courage and risk to boldly co-author someone else’s reality and perception of themselves. This type of coaching goes beyond personality quizzes and cookie cutter agendas. Due to the subjective nature of this style of coaching, my clients are able to take Quantum Leaps forward. And they do.

High-level coaching requires an important set of skills and assets, including:

  • trust in the relationship (from both parties)
  • trust in oneself
  • intuition
  • clarity
  • inner knowing that is larger than the person’s ego or disbeliefs
  • integrity, holding the very best intention for the person you’re leading
  • willingness to speak one’s truth
  • boldness and assertiveness

I encourage my clients to trust themselves, their feelings, their intuitions, their bodies, their knowings.

And I am honored by the extent to which they trust me.

If you’re seeking this style of coaching and you would like to schedule an exploratory session with me, you can do so at https://joybasedliving.com/coaching/.

Much love,


Click Here to Schedule Your Coaching Session







7 thoughts on “Let Other People Define You – A Shocking High-Level Coaching Secret

  1. I know from experience, Debbie: you are INDEED an amazingly inspiring & insightful coach… and this blog-post reminded me of that FACT!!! May your readers who DO want a life in which they’re basking in more joyful, peaceful sunshine take the next step forward and CONTACT you about coaching them!!! 🙂

  2. P.S.: And add to that (“joy and peace”), your excellent guidance has helped me make sound steps of progress, which have led to increasing levels of personal and professional achievement & fulfillment!!! 🙂

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