At the heart of codependency
is a belief that YOU are somehow responsible
for someone else’s happiness
they are old enough to take responsibility for their own –
but they don’t.
They prefer to put it on you.
If you have taken it on –
(maybe you were too young to say no,
or maybe you were manipulated into taking on what’s not yours)
If this describes you –
If there’s someone in your life
alive or dead
or “just in your head”
who insists that YOU
are responsible for their happiness –
If that voice has any power in your life,
in your world,
in your perception of yourself,
in your perception of what’s possible for you –
AND if you would prefer to stop giving your power away –
I invite you to imagine this:
YOU are standing powerfully
on YOUR ROCK (think Lion King).
YOU are the King or Queen of YOUR kingdom.
YOU turn toward the beast of burden
(the unhappy victim in your imagination or in your life)
and YOU state:
“I am not your slave.
This is my kingdom,
you mother fucker.”
And watch him/her/it walk away.
[Repeat as necessary].
The children’s book version of this message is, “I Don’t Think So!”
The Spanish version is, “NO MAS!”
In Latin, it’s, “NON SERVIAM.”
In Bruce Willis’ Die Hard style, it’s, “Yippee-ki-yay, MotherFucker!”
Or a clean version that will make you smile:
Cheers to your freedom!
So much love,
ps. Processing anger is typically challenging for codependents who have a tendency to automatically respond with: freeze, flight or fawn. (Compared to emotional abusers who tend fight and who seek out co-dependents who will freeze and fawn.)
Change is possible. The goal is to become conscious. Empathy, compassion and awareness about what you are truly feeling are key. It takes maturity and practice to process your feelings it in ways that are healthy. Righteous anger is healthy. Self-righteous anger is not. For more on this topic, check out Gabor Mate’s interview with Tami Simon on the Roots of Healing.
In answer to someone’s question after she read this post, here is my response. I assume others have the same questions:
Fawn is “people pleasing”
CPTSR is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Response (vs CPTSD which stands for Disorder). It is NOT a disorder, but that’s the popular term, and I don’t like it. I think it’s untrue and potentially harmful to call it a disorder. What we’re seeking to change is our internal RESPONSES to traumatic experiences which we learned to RESPOND to with survival instincts.