18 ways to master visibility – thrive after trauma and be who you are

8 ways to master visibility - how to thrive after trauma and be who you are - Debbie Happy Cohen Joy Based LivingDear Divine Human,

Your love life, your business, your friendships and your satisfaction in the world depends on your willingness to be visible. I hope when you read this essay, you will take it to heart. I wrote it personally for you. I want to SEE YOU win and thrive and shine!

Feeling invisible seems to be a commonplace embodied sensation these days. Loneliness abounds within the billions of people on our planet. We humans aren’t designed for this. We are designed to be seen, to be felt, to be heard. To be loved.

We are born to live in small groups, in villages. That’s why it’s so important in today’s modern world that you create your own community, your own subculture.

Here’s the thing – when we are perpetually NOT seen, we actually become traumatized.

We begin to make shit up about ourselves. Shit that might not even have words to it but that clearly informs us: “You’re not worthy.” “Don’t speak up.” “Don’t be visible.” “Do what the boss wants.” “Put yourself last.”

You might not actually SAY these things to yourself (or you might), but the evidence in your life speaks volumes. You’re terrified of being VISIBLE. And when you lean in the direction of being visible, you freak out, you sabotage, you shut down.

That’s called inner conflict.

When you want more but you won’t let yourself have it – that’s a JOY CEILING

One of my closest friends keeps getting VERTIGO every time he’s about to stretch into a new level of JOY. That’s how his ceiling manifests itself.

Sometimes, just IMAGINING a greater level of joy – like an upcoming party he’s hosting or a possibility for romance – will literally take him into such a spin that he’s out of commission for a week. In bed. Dizzy. Can’t work. Can’t read. Can’t do anything.


His inner pattern is a brawl out fight between the traumatized self and the divine self. Between the survival self and the divine self. Between the small self and the large self. The question, who will win the throne?

This venn diagram helps me coach people to take their power back.

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Compassion, resilience and commitment are the gateways out of his hell. He’s working on it. And I LOVE HIM for that. He helped me title this essay.

During our conversation, he courageously faced the traumatized self. He got to see that the traumatized self has a mantra. It is: “I just want to stay safe.” At all costs. No matter what. Well, how’s he supposed to take risks and expand joy if his core operating software commands him to stay safe? I ASK YOU: WHO’S IN CHARGE HERE?

So, we leveraged his old software mantra and turned it around by creating a POWER MANTRA for him:


He breathed. I could hear his relief over the phone. After repeating the mantra a few times, he started feeling better. Stronger. More visible. I asked him how his vertigo was. It was gone.

Here’s the thing, my friend. You are not just wired to be village-oriented.

You are also wired to expand, to shine, to radiate your essence, your love, your light. What this means is that no matter where you are in your life, no matter what you are having, being, doing – YOU WILL ALWAYS WANT MORE – you’ll want to experience more and you’ll want to contribute more. Some people call it DIVINE DISCONTENT. I love that. And the reason for it is:


That’s its nature. And if you are made of joy at your core, which I believe you are, you will NEVER be content to be invisible, unseen, unheard. Babies aren’t. It’s not in our nature to fear the spotlight. It just isn’t.

So, here’s my proposal to you.

Oh, crap, I’m afraid to write it. I’m afraid you’re gonna run away as soon as you read it.

Okay, please remember… I’m Jewish.

And I’m saying this from a very global standpoint.

My proposal to you is this:



How do I know this? Because you are still reading. This means that you are probably someone who is daring and bold. Pioneering and fiesty. Imaginative and willing to believe. Compassionate and fringe.

You probably deeply love people – and life itself – to the point where sometimes it hurts. You want to CONTRIBUTE O SO MUCH MORE to humanity. and you want to EXPERIENCE O SO MUCH MORE in your life. You are courageous.

The problem with the word MINISTER is that it activates images of PAST STORIES¬† of BIBLICAL proportion. Pun intended! LOL! But I totally don’t mean it that way – I’m not interested in idolizing the past. No great helper of humanity is.

I’m all about YOU focusing on the most delightful, gorgeous, beautiful FUTURE for yourself and those you love.

Your MINISTRY is about giving life to your VISION OF WHAT’S POSSIBLE for the people your email list, your phone list, your facebook page, your twitter feed, your blog.

By seeing yourself as a MINISTER, you will begin to view everyone on your list as people to tend and care for, like a garden. By seeing yourself as a MINISTER, you will take responsibility for being seen and heard. By seeing yourself as a MINISTER, you will take ownership of your power to make a difference.

Now, you don’t have to officially BECOME a minister, as I did back on St. Patty’s Day of 2019… and yes I was sober. LOL! But you DO have to own your ability to make a difference in the lives of others. You DO have to take on a SUPERHERO IDENTITY that allows you to be fully capable of being visible and making a difference.

For me, that superhero identity was given to me by a very dear friend who nicknamed me REVEREND SASSY SHORTS.

  1. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS doesn’t give a HOOT what you think but deeply cares about who you are.
  2. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS gives me access to things I know – beyond my intellect – such as how to find you, reach you and help you realize the best in you.
  3. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS doesn’t need evidence in order to BELIEVE. She simply DOES.
  4. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS gives me courage to take more risks and be more visible so that I can be available to you.
  5. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS doesn’t worry so much about making sense. She loves the TALKING HEADS album title STOP MAKING SENSE.
  6. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS doesn’t buy into the modern intellectual dark realities that sound really smart but just leave people feeling depressed.
  7. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS knows how to vision, manifest and create serendipities.
  8. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS FEELS the infinite goodness of life and revels in it and basks in it like it’s the springwaters of life itself. Because it is.
  9. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS sees the light in you and can’t NOT see it, and by seeing it and giving it attention – by that very “little” act – she tends it and grows it.
  10. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS believes in you unabashedly and unashamedly.
  11. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS doesn’t care if her words are actually in the dictionary. She is larger than the dictionary.
  12. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS knows how to LOVE.
  13. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS knows you do, too.
  14. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS knows that you might be scared out of your wits when you think about stepping forward in a larger, more expansive way.
  15. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS says, “I’m right behind you. You got this.”
  16. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS calls bullshit on Joy-Ceilings. Not that they don’t have real life effects – but that YOU are BIGGER THAN THEM.
  17. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS knows that you are fully capable of being visible and attracting the right tribe for you.
  18. REVEREND SASSY SHORTS loves the number 18 because in Judaism – in Hebrew – the letters that add up to 18 stand for LIFE. L’Chaim!

I just tricked you into learning 18 ways to master visibility in your own life.¬†You’re so welcome. Just replace REVEREND SASSY SHORTS with your own superhero identity and rewrite them for yourself by replacing my superhero name with yours.


  1. BATMAN doesn’t give a HOOT what you think but deeply cares about who you are.
  2. BATMAN gives me access to things I know – beyond my intellect – such as how to find you, reach you and help you realize the best in you.
  3. BATMAN doesn’t need evidence in order to BELIEVE. He simply DOES.

If you accept these 18 ideas for yourself, if you take them personally, if you imagine YOURSELF EMBODYING those qualities, you will develop your inner strengths, you will allow yourself to be VISIBLE, you will break your joy-ceilings forever, you will feel more energy and more youthfulness, and you will attract a village for yourself that can possibly last for life. And you will minister to them. And they will love you for it.

You know why they will be attracted to you? Because you will exude and express your true values. And by doing so, you will be like a lighthouse for the people you are here to serve. To minister to.

I am currently GROWING my ministry at PATREON.

We are people who aren’t afraid of facing the depths of our darkness or the brilliance of our light. When we are afraid, we’re willing to take total responsibility to get over it. We are people who care to lead and shine and contribute – and to inspire others to do the same. Facing forward, we are committed to tomorrow. We are SASSY. And we dance!

If you’d like to join us, please visit PATREON and select your membership level. https://www.patreon.com/joybasedliving

For those of you who’ve attended my past courses, you know how much I LOVE visioning, visualizing, masterminding and manifesting. I am considering REVIVING Creation Mastermind. If/ when I do, it will be at PATREON. Yeah baby!

Creation Mastermind Master Your Mind Master Your Life

Much love,

Debbie Happy Cohen, aka Happy D! and Reverend SASSY SHORTS, of course!
I want you to LOVE negotiating for JOY! | Author | Coach at Joy-Based Living

I hope these classics inspire you to STOP MAKING SENSE and CELEBRATE LIFE!




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