I have a friend who is navigating 2 abusive, significant relationships. She is living with a psychologically abusive parent, and one of her adult children is displaying narcissistic verbally abusive behaviors. She has been on a healing path for a couple of years and has learned a lot about setting boundaries and healing toxic shame. She is a spiritual, empathic, highly sensitive person whom I adore. Her intentions are in the right place. What she needs now is more clarity and a strong backbone to navigate the relationships.
She’s living in a psychological war zone. Dealing with the cycle of abuse as well as C-PTSD (due to high levels of stress and hypervigilance).
During our conversation, I compiled these resources for her, and as soon as we got off the phone, I felt “called” to share them with you (yes that was a pun, I hope it made you smile :-)).
A piece of clarity that helped her is identifying the devastating and traumatic narcissistic abuse cycle:
1. Love bomb (Idealize) 2. Devalue 3. Discard
The first two (combined) can be highly addictive to someone who has been narcissistcally abused or is being abused (co-narcissist, click to read the definition).
The combination is dangerous as both are delivered with an intent to harm (manipulate and deceive) the targeted person.
The intermittent reinforcement of the first two is exactly what keeps the co-narcissist in the cycle of abuse, making it very difficult to see clearly, to behave with backbone and/or to leave.
Here are 4 resources that can help you pop the bubble, get out of the cycle, and find your true self again.
1. Resolving the Cognitive Dissonance from Narcissistic Abuse (podcast, an hour)
January 11, 2019 Meredith Miller
2. How To Talk To A Narcissist & Still Maintain Your Sanity (youtube, about 15 min)
Mar 20, 2018 Joanna Kujath
3. C-PTSD information is in the comment area (blog post)
At the heart of narcissistic abuse: 2 core abusive behaviors, why they do it, and 3 tips for you (Part I) Posted on October 23, 2018 by Debbie Happy Cohen
4. The Best Advice For Highly Sensitive Souls (part 1) (youtube, about 5 min)
Joanna Kujath Published on Jun 21, 2017
Sometimes when dealing with extreme energies, we need to step out of the boxes of linearity and logic. Since my friend is going to see a shaman, I offered her this resource as well. Yes, it’s woo-woo.
I don’t promote a lot of woo-woo stuff here even though I’ve mastered many techniques, including spirit releasement, kinesiology and Reiki. I think there’s a danger of people getting lost in the fascination of metaphysics and (once again) giving their power away. I have seen it happen many times. For this reason, I prefer to be more grounded and stick to what’s practical and applicable on a more common-sensory level. However, I do delve into the other-worldly techniques when I feel intuitively called to do so.
The Unquiet Dead: A Psychologist Treats Spirit Possession
(a book written by a psychiatrist)
May the force of love be with you always,