Finding healthy power and balance after emotional trauma* can be tricky because there is a tendency to go back to what’s familiar which isn’t necessarily what’s healthy! The Goldilocks fairy tale offers a great metaphor that can help you find your way. “This porridge is too cold, this one is too hot… and this one is JUST RIGHT!”
Not enough ego – power leaks everywhere; looks like malignant optimism and toxic loyalty; your needs are all important; mine don’t exist. Looks like codependency.
Puffed up ego – stealing and grabbing power from others; looks like bullying; my needs are all-important, yours don’t exist. Looks like narcissism.
“Just right” ego – your power is balanced; your actions are aligned with your core values; you have awareness of the needs of yourself and the needs of others; joy is empowered; you practice healthy relationship habits and clear boundaries. “Just right” doesn’t mean “perfect.” This is important to remember especially if you’re taking risks to make a difference in the world and offer your unique contribution to those you are here to serve. You don’t expect perfection from yourself; you use your core values to keep getting back into alignment. You practice inclusive compassion.
* If you’re interested in the topic of healing from emotional trauma (I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been traumatized in our modern culture)…. I highly recommend studying up on Complex Post Traumatic Stress. Here are a few of my articles on the topic. Pete Walker’s books and resources are also excellent.